First of all, talking about what a “nice guy” you are is generally a pretty clear sign you aren’t, which I think is the point of the site in the first place.
It’s like guys who are always going on about how “honest” they are.
They then reach the passive-aggressive conclusion women don’t like them because they are “too nice.” These are the guys who honestly believe women look for assholes.
Every man with a lick of social awareness knows on some level this isn’t true.
“I just can’t be with someone like you.” She told me. After a lot of digging and research I had figured out what a “nice guy” actually was. A man can be many things, but lacking self care is not one of them.
I could rely on the tactical PUA stuff I was listening to and reading, or I could break it down step by step myself so that I was a man who naturally attracted women who were right for me. I set a goal for what I wanted to be – An all around awesome guy who could make people laugh and smile, valued myself, and was driven and passionate about life.
They also need to have themselves validated from external sources, usually women. The first thing you need to learn is if you aren’t satisfied with yourself as you are, you have to get good at pretending you are while you’re busting your ass to get there for real.
Begging attention off people, especially by trying to make them feel bad when they don’t give it, is just about the worst social strategy going.
Checking in on her, telling her how much I cared for her and liked her on the second date seemed too chivalrous and direct. I even went out and bought a whole new wardrobe that day because she mentioned she didn’t like my shoes in an offhand comment the day before. I was going to do whatever it took to get this handled.
I’m not responsible for making everyone else’s life around me perfect.
It’s ok to care about someone, but that doesn’t mean I need to sacrifice all of my energy to try to help them.
Here’s how I evaluate who I am willing to spend time with: I pay attention to their choice of words. If I feel like I have to have my own personal mental warfare fighting off their negativity I am less likely to want to hang out with them.
Everyone goes through challenging times in their life and will be negative or feel down for periods of time.