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As an institution, marriage had little to do with love until relatively recently. Our engagement has been filled with preparatory exercises designed to help us understand what we’re getting into, and why. But for the most part, this draft still holds true.

And for all its common-ness, it’s a provocative subject. Joe and I have met each other’s families and made each other meals and agreed that we want to share the same balcony from the same apartment.

I started writing a post about being 30 and single (which is both awesome and exhausting, much like being in a relationship at any age), but I became distracted by The Rory Gilmore Reading Challenge (thanks to my college friends for posting it on Facebook within mere moments of its creation).

Anyone who watched any of the seven seasons of The Gilmore Girls knows that Rory Gilmore loved a good book.

I’m in first-date burnout, second-date commitment-avoidance no-man’s land. Of the 339 books Rory was seen reading, I think I’ve read 54 of them.

I enjoy complicated tasks – things that need to be untangled and wrangled and sorted out. I’m telling you, there’s something to this easy thing. He’ll buy new socks and I’ll turn off email notifications.Every day, we make micro-decisions about how much our physical and emotional worlds should overlap, and where we can each bend and flex to accommodate. My friends and family have been relentlessly supportive of whatever and whomever I chose, but often with the gentle sighing caveat, “You know, I really think it should be easier.” It should be easier.That’s a particularly easy statement to ignore, because it can be intellectually overridden with facts about why it’s hard now but will get easier later, or snorts that maybe not everyone gets to glide down easy street in the beginning of a relationship.We elected for pre-marital counseling by way of the Prepare/Enrich assessment, which gave us data (Pie charts! What this actually feels like is preparation for continuous preparation. Or maybe just continuously taking another person into consideration. But the key marker in my adventures is that they’ve all been complicated in their own ways.Because we’re both in our thirties, we have established independent-everythings—routines, schedules, habits, friends, etc. ) Ultimately, we’re both asking ourselves why we want to do this. I love him, and I see how our personalities naturally support and balance each other. However compelling, there’s been a problem to be solved.

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