Rules of college dating

Or as Dan Savage calls it, we are “monogamish.” Even that can look really different from relationship to relationship.One married couple I’m friends with has a couple of girlfriends between them, and they also have their own partners (she has both male and female partners, and he has female partners).

Throughout high school and college, some of my relationships overlapped, and some were purely dishonest.

But society told me I had to be with one person at a time, with the goal of choosing one person forever. After a really great, long-term, successfully monogamous relationship ended, I was suddenly single in my late twenties and enjoying the freedom and the variety. Adam was fun and our chemistry was fantastic and rare, and though we kept it strictly physical, with those boundaries clearly defined throughout, spending time together was becoming the highlight.

I would often fall into a cycle of trying to make that work but eventually letting temptation get the best of me, and failing both parties of the relationship; especially my partner. Eventually, the inevitable conversation came up naturally about what we were, and what we could be.

With my current setup with Adam, he knows that yes, I am attracted to other people and am sleeping with some. And there’s no confidence booster like remembering that it’s me whom he comes home to and loves deeply. He knows all of my quirks, he knows what makes me tick and how to reason with me.

Nobody knows me like Adam does, and nobody is going to know him like I do.

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